The Real Life of a Deranged Psychopath
by Kuro Tenka
Summary: A bunch of different scenes base in around or about Itachi. These are some of Itachi's most odd ball moments of life. Featuring many different Naruto characters.
1. How Itachi Really Spends His Mornings

**The Real Life of a Deranged Psychopath**

**This is going to be a collection of some of Itachi's most odd ball an OC moments. I hope you enjoy and have a laugh. Keep in mind the paring doesn't necessarily mean there will be a romance.**

**Moment Paring**

**Itachi/Kisame**

How Itachi Spends His Mornings

Kisame groaned as he rolled over and looked at the clock. 5:48 blinked at him and he knew he wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep again. His back popped as he got up stretching as he went and pulled on some pants over his boxers. He padded out into the hallway walking down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

Everything was black and Kisame looked blearily at the counter in search of the coffee pot. He reached up and grabbed a mug off the wall hook picked up the pot of roasted heaven and moved to poor it when he froze. The coffee spilled everywhere burning his hands.

From behind him came a sound. He turned slowly to see Itachi sitting in a chair at the table, in the dark, his sharingan blazing. Staring at him.

Itachi lifted his cup back up to his lips. "Slurp!" And Kisame dropped the coffee pot.

The red gazed dropped to the floor and glared. "I wanted some of that." Itachi sounded murderous as he looked at down at his half empty cup.

**Give me some feedback please.**

**Your Fucked Up Authoress, Kuro Tenka**


	2. What Itachi Would Do With Deidara's Clay

**The Real Life of a Deranged Psychopath**

**This is the second chapter in the Deranged Psychopath story. I hope you enjoy. Please remember that even though it says parings it doesn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship.**

Itachi/Deidara

**Chapter Two**

_What Itachi would, and has done, with Deidara's clay._

Many people are under the impression that Deidara hated Itachi…and they would be right. Most believed that this was because Itachi had made Deidara join the Akatsuki…and they would be wrong. You see Deidara's hate for Itachi started about six months _after_ her enter the Akatsuki. He would never really get over what Itachi had done to him and his clay…never fully heal.

_Itachi's eyes suddenly bolted open and his body flew up from his bed. He didn't know why he had awoken so abruptly and he wouldn't have cared really except for the fact that as he sat there calming his breathing something occurred to him. He was board. Now this normally would never be a problem however as his eyes moved to his clock he realized it was 3:37 in the morning and no one else would be up. Well…except for Zetsu but he really didn't feel like putting up with the plant man in order to find his much needed amusement._

_Thus being said he sat in complete silence and began to rapidly search for his inner muse. This, as you can probably imagine, is not a good thing. Itachi's eyes fluttered open and an evil look over took his face. Slipping out of bed – completely forgetting the fact that he was only wearing very tight, very small sleeping shorts – he began to venture from the room. Out the door and down the hallway he found the dark entrance he had been looking for. Using all of his ninja stealth he turned the knob and stepped through the door._

_Inside sleeping on the large and plush bed lay the body of the poor unsuspecting victim that was Deidara. Itachi glided to the bed and quietly slipped onto the cloth and over the blond man. Perching his hips over the petite man he reached over to the side table and snuck his hand into the newly opened drawer. Cautiously he pulled out the object he had been searching for and proceeded to unzip it. With careful hands he removed the clay from its package and began to squish it between his fingers._

_Finally he was ready. Pinching off a small piece he rolled it into a ball then reached toward Deidara's face. Using his index finger deftly he slowly inserted the clay into Deidara's nose. "Can you mold it with this too?" He questioned evilly and pulled off another portion of the soft substance._

_This is how Deidara woke up, with Itachi hovering over him stuffing his poor innocent clay up his nose causing a severe decrease of oxygen to enter his body. Deidara promptly screamed, lurched up, threw Itachi off him and ran for the door. He clutched the clay he had snatched off the desk to his chest and began to cry hysterically about how his 'art was not a bang anymore, un'._

So you can probably understand why Deidara has a strong hate for Itachi and was more than a little scared of him.

**I'd love your feed back; I've never really been good at humor so I would like to know if I've improved.**

**Your Fucked Up Authoress, Kuro Tenka**


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